Luxurious weekend snoozing should be a parental right.
 | | Alessandra De Cristofaro |
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Here is what a “dad nap” looks like: A man passed out in the middle of any high-traffic domestic space, usually with a fair amount of ruckus going on around him while he blithely sleeps the day away, perhaps with a quilt pulled over his head to block out sound and cover his mouth, which is definitely agape. |
While we often associate these naps with straight men, I advise any parent to take a dad nap, as long as you have somebody to watch your kids. (Though in a dire situation, have I rested my eyes with a child on an iPad in bed with me? Yes, yes I have.) |
Last year, I wrote that becoming sick while pregnant with my second kid helped my husband and me rebalance our household responsibilities. For parents who feel like they’re doing more than their fair share, taking a luxurious afternoon nap is another great way to force equality. |
At this point, the parents doing more than half of the child care tend to be women. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, based on data collected from 2014-2018, on an average day, women with kids under 6 spent 1.1 hours providing “physical care” like bathing or feeding a child, while men spent only 26 minutes doing those tasks. One way to make your partner provide that kind of physical care is to be dead asleep during snack time. |
I understand that demanding a dad nap may be a hard sell for a parent of any gender, if you’re not used to it. I baked it into our marriage from the moment we had kids. I took afternoon naps because I got up to feed the baby in the middle of the night. As the baby stopped waking up at night, I argued for a nap because I was still recovering from pushing a 9 pound, 3 ounce baby out of my nethers. It’s tough to argue against “I gave life to our giant baby.” My husband doesn’t even like naps, so that bought me about a year before I got pushback. Then, we had a second giant baby, and I got to milk that excuse for another year. By now, my dad nap is built into the bylaws of our weekends. |
The trick to a good dad nap is releasing all worry about what’s happening to your kids while you’re asleep. My kids could be watching “Jaws” or plotting a coup, but for that blissful hour or two, it’s not my problem. There’s a sociological phenomenon called maternal gatekeeping, in which moms subtly or overtly discourage their male partners by criticizing the fathers’ parenting, taking over child care or hogging all the parental decision-making. To properly dad nap, you need to step away from the gate — your partner may do things differently than you do, but that’s O.K. It’s even beneficial for kids to have a special, unique relationship with each parent. |
A dad nap is also good for your health. Even if you have had a good night’s sleep, napping may improve your emotional regulation, your memory, your attention span and your creativity. I want to make clear that actual dads should still be able to take dad naps; I just want to spread the napping around so everybody benefits. |
I’m writing this on a Sunday morning, and my dad nap is already planned for 2 p.m. My naps never take place in the living room; I get into my bed in my pajamas in the middle of the day, because I want to get the full restorative nap experience. If you do one thing for yourself this weekend, I say take the damn nap. And do it without guilt. |
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| Parenting can be a grind. Let’s celebrate the tiny victories. |
| Taught my kids to put laundry away. Pretended it was a pizza restaurant and they were delivering pizza to drawers. |
| — Megan Spillars, Raleigh, N.C. |
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