2020年6月20日 星期六

‘Sleeping Like a Baby’ Is a Lie

Father’s Day essays by Mike Birbiglia and more.
A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day! And we have three personal essays about fatherhood this week to help celebrate the dads in your life. There’s one from Kevin Powell, who has written a beautiful letter to the child he hopes to have. The piece is about how to survive in a world filled with fear, violence, sexism and racism. We have Mike Birbiglia, writing about how he, a sleepwalker, and his wife, J. Hope Stein, an insomniac, had a baby… who also didn't sleep. “There’s an expression, 'sleep like a baby,’ which I thought meant ‘deeply,’ but apparently means ‘doesn’t,’" Birbiglia writes. And we have Erik Vance, an NYT Parenting staff editor, telling us how he feared that fatherhood would make him lose his edge after spending his young adult life as a journalist, adventurer and explorer.

Also this week, we have two incredible photo series of families protesting. One from the Children’s March in Brooklyn, and the other, from a neighborhood in Washington, D.C. Tiffany Williams, 39, took her son, Preston, 7, to the Children’s March. “It was nice to march with people who look like me and people who support me,” Williams said. “It was even better to march with my son.”

Finally, we have a selection of pieces on navigating our weird new post-corona world. Now that you may be straying further from your house as lockdowns ease, a big question lots of parents have is how do I deal with taking my kid to the potty? Katharine Gammon has some reassuring words about braving the risks of public bathrooms, despite that horrifying article about how “flushing the toilet may fling coronavirus aerosols all over.” Aaron Carroll, a pediatrician, weighs in on when grandparents may be able to meet your newborn. If you’re worried your child is losing social skills while isolated from his friends and classmates, Emily Sohn says try not to fret: Your kid is learning more from family time than you may think.

Thanks for reading!

— Jessica Grose, lead editor, NYT Parenting

P.S. Today’s One Thing comes from the Games team at the Times, which has come up with a set of games you can play by creating tiles out of old newspapers.

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Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let’s celebrate the tiny victories.
I’d never watched any “Star Wars” movies in my life, but started watching with my daughter when she was about 10 months old. It was the first time she sat through a movie. About five months later at a department store, she started singing DA-DA DADAN DAN (“Imperial March”) as she reached out for a Darth Vader plush toy. That’s when I realized I was triumphing as a father. — Camilo Aguirre, Weehawken, NJ

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

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2020年6月19日 星期五

The Daily: Joy, Pain and Juneteenth

How we found the voice to tell a 155-year story of celebration and setbacks, historically and personally.
Demonstrators marched to commemorate Juneteenth in New York City’s Washington Square Park on Friday.Chang W. Lee/The New York Times

On today’s show, we told the history of Juneteenth, a 155-year-old story of joy and pain, celebration and setbacks, that have lived side by side for black Americans since the day that a Union soldier walked into Galveston, Texas, and declared that the enslaved people there were emancipated. It’s a rich and complicated history that the producers and editors on the team felt was not well enough understood.

Typically, we tell stories through Times reporters or newsmakers. But neither felt quite right for this episode. We needed somebody who had spent years studying African-American history.

Producers Adizah Eghan and Robert Jimison set out to find such an expert. They both arrived at the same conclusion: Dr. Daina Ramey Berry, a professor of American history at the University of Texas at Austin.

“She was really the person to talk to about this,” Robert recalled. “An African-American studies professor that I’m familiar with referred me to her. But Adizah also got in touch with her independently, I think in the same way — word of mouth from other professors that we had spoken to.”

Dr. Berry not only knew the history of Juneteenth, she taught at a university in the state where the foundational events commemorated by the holiday had occurred.

The interview was structured in two parts: the history of Juneteenth, from 1865 to today, and Dr. Berry’s own reflections on what the day means right now, amid a nationwide reckoning with race and policing.

As we began recording the interview on Thursday morning, we had a strong sense of the history that Dr. Berry would tell in the first half of the show. Part two, however, would be largely improvised. We had little sense of what she might say.

As she reflected on the meaning of Juneteenth today, Dr. Berry spoke of her teenage son and the difficult conversations she has had with him, as a mother, about race, justice and the police.

DR. BERRY: He worries that his life expectancy is short. And he said that to me when he was 8. And he’s talked about it recently and he said, you know, am I going to live to 30?
MICHAEL: And what did you say back?
DR. BERRY: What did I say back? I said, that’s a reality that is hard. And as a mother, it’s hard to have this conversation. But, yes, you can live till you’re more than 30. But that the reality is, no matter what he does, some people will still look at him as a threat to society.
He remembers when he was cute; he was still cute at 7. But once he became 8 or 9, people started grabbing their purses on elevators, when we got on elevators. Just two weeks ago in our own neighborhood, when we were walking our dog, he was behind me, and some of our neighbors followed him because he had a mask on. And he said, well Mom, how do I protect myself from disease when people are looking at me as a criminal?
And I said: Carefully, gingerly, and do the best you can at being who you are, being proud of who you are, but also being careful that not everybody see you as the beautiful child that I gave birth to and that my husband and I have raised.

In many ways, that section of the show became the most memorable.

Talk to Michael on Twitter: @mikiebarb.

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A Bit More Shade

Aimee Stephens.Eamon Queeney for The New York Times

Eric Krupke, a producer on The Daily, reflects on our conversation last fall with Aimee Stephens, the plaintiff in a Supreme Court case on transgender workplace discrimination.

This week, after the Supreme Court ruled in her favor in the case, we decided to rerun a portion of Ms. Stephens’s original interview.

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Before she became the subject of protests, the topic of headlines and a plaintiff in a Supreme Court case on transgender discrimination, Aimee Stephens was asked a question: “Are you willing to see this through to the end?”

Ms. Stephens was filing a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission after being fired for disclosing her gender identity to her boss in a letter — and a federal agent wanted to know if she was up for the grueling legal battle ahead.

“I told them then that I was raised on a farm, that I was used to hard work, and that I didn’t give up so easily,” she told us on an episode of The Daily last November. “Yes, I would see this to the end, however long that took.”

Ms. Stephens did not live to see the Supreme Court rule in her favor this week, extending new rights to L.G.B.T.Q. workers across the country. She died in May at the age of 59.

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As one of the producers on our episode with Ms. Stephens, I’ve been thinking about the letter she wrote — and what her death means now — in light of the ruling. In the process, I’ve been reminded of an old saying that, to paraphrase, a society can only experience great change when people are willing to plant trees in whose shade they will never sit.

Ms. Stephens’s letter was a seed. When she wrote it, gay and transgender people could legally be fired for their identities in half of the states in the country. With the court’s majority opinion this week, the L.G.B.T.Q. community is resting in a bit more shade.

Talk to Eric on Twitter: @erickrupke.

On The Daily this week

Monday: Six months into the pandemic, Donald G. McNeil Jr. took stock of where we are, and where we might be going.

Tuesday: We revisited a conversation with Aimee Stephens, the plaintiff in a transgender discrimination case the Supreme Court ruled on this week. Adam Liptak explained why a surprise majority of justices ruled in her favor.

Wednesday: Rayshard Brooks fell asleep in his car at a Wendy’s drive-through. Soon after, he was shot by police. Richard Fausset described what happened in the minutes in between.

Thursday: Joe Biden is looking for a running mate in one of the most tumultuous moments in modern American history. We asked Alex Burns whom Biden might pick.

Friday: “When I think about Juneteenth as Emancipation Day, and I think about this moment. I feel like we still need to be emancipated.” We spoke to Dr. Daina Ramey Berry about the history and meaning of Juneteenth.

That’s it for The Daily newsletter. See you next week.

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