2021年4月10日 星期六

How to Travel With Unvaccinated Kids

Planning for the summer starts now.
A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting.
Golden Cosmos

One way to manifest yourself out of the pandemic doldrums is to start planning a vacation. Christina Caron interviewed epidemiologists and other experts about how they are handling trips this summer — whether they feel comfortable flying if their children aren't vaccinated, and what sorts of lodging situations might be safest. Like many things in the pandemic, it comes down to your individual family's health circumstances and your appetite for risk.

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What struck me while reading Christina's piece was the mental weight of the additional calculations parents need to do for every mundane activity. A family vacation isn't just about attempting connection, relaxation and joy — it's about constantly negotiating and mitigating danger.

I thought about this added heaviness when I read Stephanie H. Murray's essay about parenting with depression. As Stephanie points out, more parents are reporting symptoms of depression than before the pandemic, and she offers ways to cope with the added emotional burden of this moment.

On a much sweeter and brighter note, Erik Vance tells us about recording an hourlong talk for his son on the child's birthday each year. Erik records these monologues for his kid to listen to when he's a young adult. "I pull out an audio recorder and just rap with him," Erik writes. "And I am honest — brutally honest — which is the only way this works. I tell him my fears, my prejudices and my hopes for him. I just talk like he's a buddy. I laugh, gush and tell weird stories." This essay makes me want to whip out a recorder so that my daughters can benefit from my cranky musings when they're grown-ups, too.

Also this week, Heather Murphy answers lots of questions about Covid vaccines and breast milk, and Jacquelynn Kerubo has a lovely essay about I.V.F., genetic testing and taking a chance on an "imperfect" embryo.

Have any pressing parenting questions you'd like answered? Let me know by emailing me here.

Thanks for reading!

— Jessica Grose, columnist, NYT Parenting

THIS WEEK IN NYT PARENTING

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Rose Wong

How Epidemiologists Are Planning to Vacation With Their Unvaccinated Kids

The pandemic has made it tough for families to figure out safe travel options. So we asked some experts what they're doing this summer.

By Christina Caron

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Daniel Salmieri

How I Time Travel to Parent My Adult Son

Once a year I record a brutally honest conversation for my little boy. Here's why that's psychologically healthy for both of us.

By Erik Vance

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Maria Medem

My 3-Year-Old Can Tell I'm Depressed

Experts say that, instead of avoiding the topic, parents like me should shoot for 'age-appropriate honesty.'

By Stephanie H. Murray

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Karolin Schnoor

After Genetic Testing, I Took a Chance on an 'Imperfect' Pregnancy

"It was like rolling the dice, except for someone you've never met."

By Jacquelynn Kerubo

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James Estrin/The New York Times

Vaccinated Mothers Are Trying to Give Babies Antibodies via Breast Milk

Multiple studies show that there are antibodies in a vaccinated mother's milk. This has led some women to try to restart breastfeeding and others to share milk with friends' children.

By Heather Murphy

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Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories.

My toddler has been fighting brushing his teeth, so I texted my siblings and asked them to send photos or videos of their kids with their toothbrushes. His cousins were excited to show off, and he loves that he does the same thing as his favorite people!

— Amelia Newburg, Ann Arbor, Mich.

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

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What Ulysses S. Grant thought about Robert E. Lee’s surrender

A short note on the anniversary of Appomattox.
Author Headshot

By Jamelle Bouie

Opinion Columnist

On Friday, 156 years ago, Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at the home of Wilmer McLean in Appomattox Court House, Va., effectively ending the Civil War. I want to mark the anniversary with one of the great passages from Grant's memoir, itself one of the great works of writing from an American president. It concerns Lee's surrender.

First, Grant says a little about his history with Lee:

I had known General Lee in the old army, and had served with him in the Mexican War; but did not suppose, owing to the difference in our age and rank, that he would remember me; while I would more naturally remember him distinctly, because he was the chief of staff of General Scott in the Mexican War.

He then describes the moments leading up to the surrender:

When I had left camp that morning I had not expected so soon the result that was then taking place, and consequently was in rough garb. I was without a sword, as I usually was when on horseback on the field, and wore a soldier's blouse for a coat, with the shoulder straps of my rank to indicate to the army who I was. When I went into the house I found General Lee. We greeted each other, and after shaking hands took our seats. I had my staff with me, a good portion of whom were in the room during the whole of the interview.

It's at this point that Grant turns his focus to Lee and gives us what I think is one of the most memorable passages in American letters.

What General Lee's feelings were I do not know. As he was a man of much dignity, with an impassable face, it was impossible to say whether he felt inwardly glad that the end had finally come, or felt sad over the result, and was too manly to show it. Whatever his feelings, they were entirely concealed from my observation; but my own feelings, which had been quite jubilant on the receipt of his letter, were sad and depressed. I felt like anything rather than rejoicing at the downfall of a foe who had fought so long and valiantly, and had suffered so much for a cause, though that cause was, I believe, one of the worst for which a people ever fought, and one for which there was the least excuse. I do not question, however, the sincerity of the great mass of those who were opposed to us.

Within a few decades of Grant's death, the Lost Cause view of the war would become conventional wisdom to most white Americans. But here, in his memoir, Grant offers the view that should have been the basis for national reconciliation: that however you view Lee or the individual Confederate soldier, the truth of the matter is that the Confederate cause was "one of the worst for which a people ever fought."

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What I Wrote

My Tuesday column was another take on the Georgia election law, this time parsing the analogy to Jim Crow and showing why it works, even if it isn't as precise as I'd like.

This brings us back to the Georgia law. To the extent that it plays at neutrality while placing burdens on specific groups of voters on a partisan (and inescapably racial) basis, it is, at least, Jim Crow-adjacent.

I also spoke about my column in a segment on CBS News. You can watch that here.

My Friday column was on the recent Republican crusade against "woke capital," and why most of it is just culture war posturing.

To the extent that "woke capital" even exists, it involves real questions of political economy. Simply put, there are few countervailing forces in American life to corporate speech, corporate money and corporate political action. If "woke capital" is a real problem, then the solution is to reanimate those countervailing forces, which is to say, to put life back into organized labor.

Now Reading

Perry Bacon Jr. on how the Republican Party isn't rebranding after 2020, at FiveThirtyEight.

Matt Zoller Seitz on the latest Godzilla and King Kong films for Vulture.

Annalee Newitz on the myth of civilizational collapse in The Washington Post.

Jessica Dunn Rovinelli on the cinematography of David Fincher's "Mank" for Filmmaker Magazine.

Rev. Jacqui Lewis on Lil Nas X in Harper's Bazaar.

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Feedback
If you're enjoying what you're reading, please consider recommending it to your friends. They can sign up here. If you want to share your thoughts on an item in this week's newsletter or on the newsletter in general, please email me at jamelle-newsletter@nytimes.com. You can follow me on Twitter (@jbouie) and Instagram.

Currently Doing

Jamelle Bouie

Apropos of Lee's surrender at Appomattox Court House, I took this photo six years ago at the 150th-anniversary commemoration of the event. It's of the Lee and Grant re-enactors, having a coffee and making their way to the main location for their performance.

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Now Eating: Roasted-Mushroom-and-Broccoli Grain Bowls

From Francis Lam for The New York Times's Cooking section, this is an easy, filling, and reasonably healthy meal that works well for a weekday lunch.

Ingredients

  • 1½ pounds broccoli
  • Salt
  • Olive oil, as needed
  • 1 pound portobello or other mushrooms, in ¾-inch pieces
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 cups cooked grains (wheat berries, brown rice, farro, quinoa, couscous, wild rice, etc.), warm
  • Lemon-herb buttermilk dressing, to taste (see recipe)
  • Toasted almonds or peanuts, for garnish (or toasted bread crumbs, or potato sticks, or wasabi peas, just anything you'd like for crunch)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

Make the vegetables: Cut the broccoli into bite-size florets. Peel the stems, and cut these into ¾-inch pieces. In a large bowl, season the broccoli well with salt, and toss with 3 or 4 tablespoons of olive oil to coat. Spread it out in one layer on a sheet pan. Season and oil the mushrooms the same way, and spread them out on a separate sheet pan. Roast the vegetables until the mushrooms are browned but still juicy and the broccoli has charred edges, 25 to 30 minutes.

Make the omelet ribbons: In a small bowl, beat the eggs with a couple of pinches of salt. Heat a large nonstick sauté pan over medium heat until hot. Add 1 to 2 teaspoons of oil. When the oil slips around the pan like water, add half the egg, and swirl to coat the pan. Cook until set, about 30 seconds. Use a spatula to roll the omelet up like a jellyroll toward the edge of the pan, then turn it out onto a cutting board. Repeat with the rest of the egg. Slice the omelets into ¼-inch-thick ribbons.

In a mixing bowl, season and dress the warm grains with salt and the dressing to taste. Divide among bowls. Top the grains with some mushrooms and broccoli, drizzling on a little more dressing. Top with the omelet ribbons and your crunchy garnish, and eat. Use the leftovers to make this again.

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