2021年5月8日 星期六

Say Something Nice About Yourselves, For Once!

This Mother's Day, revel in your strengths.
A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting.
Golden Cosmos

Every evening at bedtime, I pick one of my 4-year-old's numerous kitty stuffed animals and do an extended call-and-response of meows and "I love yous" in high-pitched feline voices. Even though she has so many plush toys perched next to her she can barely fit on the bed, I know every single animal's name. Kiki, Giselle, Lottie, Leona and Hope are the current favorites, and I know the order that she wants them arranged and trotted out during our extended bedtime ritual.

ADVERTISEMENT

This perhaps seems like a small and insignificant part of my parenting day, but it always makes me proud, because it tells my daughter: I hear you. Because you are 4, your kitties are essential to you, and so they're important to me, too.

For Mother's Day, we commissioned a series of essays on this theme: moms saying something nice about themselves, for once. Especially this year, it seems as if all mothers do is talk about our perceived failures: how we're failing at remote schooling, or making the wrong choices for our kids when all the options are bad, or not being the "fun mom."

Here is a chance for mothers and mother figures to take a moment to actually revere themselves, and all the big and small things they do for their families. We have Amber Tamblyn on the melody she sings to soothe her kid, and herself; Veronica Chambers on teaching her daughter Spanish; Kate J. Baer on feigning interest in Minecraft, and so much more. Make sure to add your secret maternal skill in the comments!

Also this week, lots of news for parents of teenagers: Perri Klass on how to plan for your teen's Covid vaccines, as the CDC recommends they not get any other shots within a two-week window of receiving the inoculation; Taylor Trudon on the new rituals teenagers are creating to mark occasions like prom and graduation that aren't quite the same during a pandemic; and Constance Sommer spoke to parents who are struggling to raise adolescents with the stresses of the past year.

ADVERTISEMENT

Finally, there's Lisa Thompson's review of the graphic novel "Allergic," written by Megan Wagner Lloyd and illustrated by Michelle Mee Nutter, about a girl named Maggie who cannot get a puppy, because of her severe allergies. I will definitely be buying this one for my 8-year-old, who has tree nut allergies and also is extremely jealous of her friends who got pandemic puppies (it's not happening in this house, honey).

Happy Mother's Day!

— Jessica Grose, columnist, NYT Parenting

P.S. We are continuing the Primal Scream project, which looks at the experience of parenting during the past year, and we want to hear from you if you have made major life changes because of the pandemic. That could mean moving to a new location, becoming more or less ambitious at work, developing an entirely new point of view on motherhood or deciding to have that second kid … or not.

ADVERTISEMENT

Please email us here if you would like to be interviewed for this follow up, and include your name, age, location and a paragraph about what has changed for you. We will not publish anything without permission.

Article Image

12 Moms on Their Secret Strengths

Moms spend a lot of time cataloging their failures. This Mother's Day, revel in your talents.

By The New York Times; Illustrations by Janet Mac

Article Image

Tiago Majuelos

The Checkup

With Covid Vaccines for Teens and Kids, Timing Matters

There can be a seven- or eight-week window around Covid vaccines when other shots can't be given, so those who need them for camp, school or sports have to plan ahead.

By Perri Klass, M.D.

Article Image

Rich-Joseph Facun for The New York Times

'We Feel Lost in Time': Covid Transforms Teen Milestones

As Sweet Sixteens, proms and graduation ceremonies were disrupted or canceled, kids turned their losses into opportunities for new traditions with friends.

By Taylor Trudon

Article Image

Stephen B. Morton for The New York Times

Teens Are in Crisis. So Are Their Parents.

As hard as it is to be a teen today, it's draining being the parent of one.

By Constance Sommer

Article Image

\

Children's Books

Pet Project

In the graphic novel "Allergic," a young girl is relentless in her quest for a furry friend.

By Lisa Thompson

SUBSCRIBE TODAY

If you've found this newsletter helpful, please consider subscribing to The New York Times — with this special offer. Your support makes our work possible.

Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories.

After running out of ideas and struggling to get my 2-year-old to sit the right way in her car seat, I randomly asked her, "What are my eyebrows doing!?" She was quite intrigued and turned around to watch as I made my eyebrows do a funky dance of sorts. I've never buckled her in so easily before!— Bailey Wright, Fort Collins, Colo.

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance.

You received this email because you signed up for NYT Parenting from The New York Times.

To stop receiving these emails, unsubscribe or manage your email preferences.

Subscribe to The Times

Connect with us on:

facebooktwitterinstagram

Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices

LiveIntent LogoAdChoices Logo

The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018

歡迎蒞臨:https://ofa588.com/

娛樂推薦:https://www.ofa86.com/

2021年5月7日 星期五

The Daily: ‘A Postcard From Our Future’

We asked a big question: "Do you want children?" Over 11,000 people responded.

By Lauren Jackson

Khori Michelle Petinaud holding her son, Carver Elijah Petinaud, during a gathering with friends in Brooklyn Bridge Park in March.Maridelis Morales Rosado for The New York Times

Hi everyone, Happy Friday. This week, our team has been thinking a lot about the census. A big, government-run count of the population might not sound like the most urgent or pressing issue at the moment. But the census results are a big deal.

Specifically, they revealed that the U.S. population grew at the second-slowest rate since the federal government started counting in 1790. And one of the main reasons was births. They are down a lot. In fact, they've gone down for six straight years. "It seems like just a nerdy little number," Sabrina Tavernise, a demographics correspondent for The New York Times, said on Tuesday's episode. "But the truth is it's incredibly important because it touches on almost every aspect of American life," including "immigration, the social safety net, health insurance, hospitals, elder care, the role of government."

So we decided to devote two episodes this week to the topic, digging into the import of this trend long term by comparing the United States and Japan, the "grayest" nation in the world. "We realized that looking to Japan for our second episode could be like a postcard from our own future," Alexandra Leigh Young, deputy producer for The Daily, said.

Ultimately, our shows didn't give one simple answer. Each country's demographic trajectories depend on millions of responses to a deeply personal question, one freighted with social expectations, ethical concerns and human instincts: "Do you want children?"

ADVERTISEMENT

So after our shows aired, we decided to pose that question to you. In more than 11,000 replies, some of you said yes, you wanted children, but were unsure how it would be possible with the "unbelievable, horrible, crushing weight of student loan debt." Others said you weren't sure, sharing your desire for long-term autonomy and half-joked fears that a future child could become an influencer. For this newsletter, we called women around the world to hear their perspectives. You can read some of their stories below.

Weighing the climate costs

Cecille Villanueva, 36, a meteorologist from San Juan, P.R., had been quietly questioning whether she wanted children for years. While pursuing a doctorate in atmospheric science, she worried about the carbon footprint of having a family. But after studying the effects of emissions on extreme weather patterns and tracking Hurricane Maria's devastation of Puerto Rico in 2017, her surety that she wouldn't have children "cemented."

Economic and political uncertainties in her home territory, which has been vying for statehood for years, have only affirmed her decision. "In this territory, we have an economic crisis, crippling debt and a tanking economy," she said. "I just wish those things were different."

A lack of federal support

Elspeth Sprenkle, 43, from Baltimore, went into her first marriage planning to have two children. But after a divorce in 2015, she found herself as a single mother with one young son, a full-time job as a corporate paralegal for Marriott and rising child care costs. Then the pandemic hit.

ADVERTISEMENT

"I was put on furlough from April 2020 with the hope I'd be back by June or July," she said. "But travel was paralyzed so there wasn't any cash flow. They let me go this past October," the same month she remarried.

As a deaf woman who relies on reading lips to communicate, Elspeth said mask mandates had made it difficult for her to find a new job. While she hopes one day there will be increased federal support for both universal child care and more accessible employment, in the meantime, she said, she had let go of any plans for another child.

Looking abroad for a solution

Lynn Hirose, 23, from Chiba, Japan, thinks having one child might be possible — thanks to a Roomba or an international move.

As a student at the University of Tokyo, Lynn sits between two worlds. "In Japan, balancing work and child rearing is really difficult. Many of my friends who aren't in university hope to quit their jobs after finding a man," she said, decisions that she noted were in response to a social expectation that women are responsible for the majority of domestic work in the country.

ADVERTISEMENT

But at Japan's most elite university, where male Japanese students outnumber female Japanese students four to one, Lynn said many of her peers weren't planning to compromise their career ambitions with the demands of child care. As Motoko Rich, Tokyo bureau chief for The New York Times, explained in our episode on Wednesday, Japan has one of the highest work force participation rates of women and one of the lowest domestic participation rates from men. As a result, Lynn said "more than 80 percent" of her female friends at the university didn't plan on having children.

"My male friends in U-Tokyo are aware of the problem and the need to balance a future partner's job with housework," she said, adding that while some "say they want to have a double-income family, that's not standard. Others say they want their wives to be waiting for them when they get home." (Lynn noted heterosexuality is considered the norm in Japan. "There is almost no support," for gay, lesbian or transgender people, she said.)

Still, Lynn holds out hope that having a child and pursuing a doctorate might be possible for her. When asked how she will make it work, she said she saw promise in innovations, like Roombas and washing machines, that are automating some housework. In the meantime, though, she's weighing a move abroad. "I'd like to work in a better environment than Japan in terms of gender equality and flexibility for working mothers."

'The most visual medium'

By Desiree Ibekwe and Mahima Chablani

Diana Nguyen worked for Marfa Public Radio before joining the Daily team.Sally Beauvais

There's an oxymoron that floats around the audio industry. "Radio is the most visual medium," Ira Glass, host of "This American Life," once said to college students, smiling at the joke. But for years, it stuck with Diana Nguyen, one of our producers responsible for getting The Daily onto the radio every morning.

After graduating from college, Diana originally set out to be a documentary filmmaker. But when she got a job working for Marfa Public Radio in West Texas, she realized that all the things she loved about documentaries were available to her in audio, too.

"I just love being transported into people's towns and worlds and heads," Diana said. And the saying about how visual radio is? "I think about that a lot when I think of documentary film versus audio journalism. You're hearing someone's voice and it really conjures up images, almost like reading a book. That's the connection for me. They are both very visual mediums but in their own right."

So in honor of Diana's two great loves, we asked her to share some watching and listening recommendations.

  • "The Act of Killing": This documentary, directed by Joshua Oppenheimer, is one of Diana's favorites. It's about perpetrators of the 1965 Indonesian genocide, and it artfully weaves in elements of surrealism to "bring you closer to the truth" about one of the worst mass murders of the 20th century. "It's a crazy way of doing a documentary and it's insanely beautiful and haunting," Diana said. "It's stuck with me for all these years, inspiring me to work toward rethinking what we do as journalists and documentarians."
  • "Short Cuts": This BBC radio series showcases short and often experimental documentary pieces sent in by freelancers. Each episode builds rich, scenic worlds around a single theme — like motherhood, the color blue, acts of love and quizzes. For Diana, its host, Josie Long, is a major draw. "She's so fun and such a joy to listen to. I think she's my favorite host of all time," she said.

On The Daily this week

Monday: Inside the world of complaint sites and what can be done about the "bathroom wall of the internet."

Tuesday: How America's declining birthrate could profoundly shape the nation's future.

Wednesday: Japan's population is aging and shrinking. It may offer a glimpse of the future for America.

Thursday: What does the decision about barring former President Trump from Facebook tell us about the company's Oversight Board?

Friday: Some experts believe the U.S. may never reach herd immunity from the coronavirus. We explore why.

For your weekend listening

That's it for The Daily newsletter. See you next week.

Have thoughts about the show? Tell us what you think at thedaily@nytimes.com.

Were you forwarded this newsletter? Subscribe here to get it delivered to your inbox.

Love podcasts? Join The New York Times Podcast Club on Facebook.

Need help? Review our newsletter help page or contact us for assistance.

You received this email because you signed up for The Daily from The New York Times.

To stop receiving these emails, unsubscribe or manage your email preferences.

Subscribe to The Times

Connect with us on:

facebooktwitterinstagram

Change Your EmailPrivacy PolicyContact UsCalifornia Notices

LiveIntent LogoAdChoices Logo

The New York Times Company. 620 Eighth Avenue New York, NY 10018

歡迎蒞臨:https://ofa588.com/

娛樂推薦:https://www.ofa86.com/