Kids Can Be 'Homesick and Happy' at Camp |
 | | Min Heo |
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Some families have agonized over whether to send their kids to camp this summer, but for mine the decision was not very fraught; I knew that for their mental health and overall well-being, I wanted my kids in day camp. Since they will be spending most of the day outside at the camp we picked, I had very little concern about Covid transmission, and the recently updated recommendations from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for mask wearing and social distancing at camps are quite strict. |
But as camp approaches, I do wonder about my daughters' emotional adjustment — they have spent so much time at home, and they are going to a new camp where they won't know anyone besides each other. And what about kids who are returning to sleepaway camp, or going for the first time — will their experience be the same spectrum of roses and thorns as in a typical year, or will Covid color everything? |
The experts I spoke to about the mental and emotional side effects of returning to camp after hunkering down for the pandemic are somewhat less concerned about the kids feeling additional separation anxiety this summer than they are about the parents projecting their worries onto their children. |
"I make my living helping parents and I really appreciate their love and their conscientiousness, but I have never seen so many parents convey anxiety when they are trying to fix it," said Michael G. Thompson, a clinical psychologist based in Arlington, Mass., and the author of "Homesick and Happy: How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow." |
That's the first bit of advice for parents whose kids are going to camp this summer: Make sure that you're projecting confidence, rather than fear. |
"Kids are going to pick up on that fear, and have some resistance, because they're sensing you're worried. I'd be really cognizant of what you're putting out there," said Dr. Nia Heard-Garris, a pediatrician and a researcher at Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. |
What else can you do to emotionally prep your family this summer for all kinds of camps? We have tips. |
Normalize homesickness and pandemic changes. Research suggests that some amount of homesickness is normal for all people — kids and adults — when they're away from what's familiar. About 20 percent of kids have moderate to severe homesickness, and between 6 and 9 percent of children have severe homesickness, which tends to be associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety. No matter what the degree of homesickness your child experiences, you want to send them the message that they can manage it. |
"Kids can be both a little bit homesick and happy — you can have fun all day and then cry yourself to sleep," Dr. Thompson said, echoing his book title. But for parents, it's pivotal that we don't send the message that we're going to swoop in and take them home at any sign of sadness or fear; that makes them think they can't hack it at camp, and diminishes their sense of autonomy, Dr. Thompson said. |
Camps are also doing more this year to address kids' post-pandemic emotional needs, said Jennifer Wolff, a New York City-based writer who has a newsletter all about camp called Campenings. Ms. Wolff said that the camps she keeps track of are all asking more questions than before the pandemic about children's emotional state on their intake forms. "More camps are arranging for virtual therapy appointments for their campers than has ever been the case," she said, so that children who see therapists already do not have to lose that structure when they leave home. |
Prep your kid, and yourself. Many camps have elaborate websites, often with videos, that can give your children an idea of what a typical day might look like. Having your child look through the website with you, or taking a virtual or in-person tour, may help prepare them, said Dr. Heard-Garris — you can get them hyped up on the types of activities they love, whether it's swimming, science or soccer. Dr. Heard-Garris also suggested that reading books about camp can help children prepare for what's to come. (Brightly has a list of novels about camp for teens and tweens.) |
If you are concerned about Covid protocols, familiarize yourself with the C.D.C. recommendations and ask the camp directors lots of questions about whether they have the ability and space to implement those recommendations, Dr. Heard-Garris said. |
Creating rituals around the camp experience can also be soothing, Dr. Thompson has found. He told me an anecdote about a girl who loved camp, but would get very anxious on the long drive to Vermont. Her family had a tradition of stopping for ice cream three times on the way — it was "totemic ice cream," he said. The ice cream symbolized that "they were going to lay on the special love as she was taking this courageous step away from them. Even when she was driving herself to camp as a counselor in her 20s she made the three stops." |
I did something similar when my older daughter had separation anxiety in kindergarten. I got her a fuzzy key chain and told her that whenever she rubbed the key chain, I would be thinking about her. |
Attempt a trial run. Research has shown that children who have more experience with time away from home may feel less homesick. So if it's your child's first year at sleepaway camp, try to experiment with a few days away from home before camp starts. Since sleepovers at friends' houses have been curtailed during the pandemic, you might try a weekend at a vaccinated grandparent's house, Dr. Thompson said. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics clinical report on preventing and treating homesickness, "Ideally, these two or three days do not include telephone calls but do include opportunities for writing a letter or postcard home." After your child gets home, talk with them about whether they were homesick, and if they were, what strategies helped them feel better. |
The trial run is also for you, if you're anxious about your child going away. This mini-exposure therapy will "remind you what it feels like being alone in your house," said Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University School of Medicine. She recommends acknowledging your fears, because "no amount of rumination is going to bring you a sense of peace, or a sense of certainty. Because that's just not the ballgame we're living in right now, so you can't expect that," she said. Try to find ways to distract yourself while your child is gone, by doing whatever activities are pleasurable to you; as our cities open up, that may be a night out with friends or a partner. |
Jennifer Wolff predicts that for most parents, it's going to be a summer of high highs and low lows, or as she puts it, "champagne and tissues." Champagne when the kids finally get out of the house, and tissues when you realize how much you miss them. Personally, I'm ready to pop that bubbly. |
Want More on Kids This Summer? |
| Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories. |
To convince my 5-year-old to put his clothes in the laundry basket, I told him that the laundry basket would really like to eat his shirt, pants and socks. He loved the idea and especially enjoys feeding the laundry basket his stinky socks for "dessert." — Nicole Barlass, Janesville, Wis. |
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