2021年9月12日 星期日

Spouses Are 30 Percent More Annoying Than Before the Pandemic

It's just science.
A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting.
Golden Cosmos

Hello! I'm back from my book leave, and thrilled to be writing this newsletter again. Please let me know what questions you'd like answered or what you'd like to read about this fall by dropping me a line here. Now, on to what's new in parenting.

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One of the few reliable methods of stress relief I have enjoyed during the pandemic is exercise. My husband feels the same way. While this means both of us are currently in pretty good shape despite our increasing decrepitude, it also means that deciding whose workout gets priority is a reliable method for starting a fight, or at the very least a snippy bout of haggling.

Which is to say, I deeply related to Holly Burns's article about mildly resenting her husband's devotion to his Peloton bike. According to one survey, couples are 30 percent more annoyed with each other in general than they were before the pandemic, and if you are "maniacally getting dinner together" while your spouse is "leisurely foam-rolling," that really doesn't help irritation levels. Luckily, Holly has some tips for tolerating your partner's time-consuming new hobbies, which can be applied to pastimes beyond exercise.

On the Covid front this week, Lisa Damour, a psychologist who writes about adolescence for The Times, and Tara Parker-Pope, our Well columnist, answer reader questions, like how to make sure your day care is safe, how to talk to your teen about unvaccinated friends and how parents can protect their children's mental health during this difficult time.

Also in The Times, Sarah Mervosh talks to parents of children under 12, who cannot yet be vaccinated, about how they plan to handle life until immunization comes through; and Emma Goldberg talks to newly minted 12-year-olds who are excited to get their shots. Emily Bazelon hosts a round-table discussion with six education and pediatric experts about how American kids can recover from a broken school year.

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Finally, we have two essays from mothers who are finding fulfillment in new life stages. Hanna Ingber writes that while her divorce was difficult, she is proud of all of the things she has learned to do as a single mom, like fixing her home's sump pump and leading her boys on a difficult hike. And Kelly Corrigan writes about letting go of her daughter, who just left for college, and welcoming a future in which she and her child may one day see each other on equal footing.

Thanks for reading!

— Jessica Grose, columnist, NYT Parenting

THIS WEEK IN NYT PARENTING

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James Kerr

Sometimes I Hate My Husband's Peloton

Yes, exercise is hugely beneficial. But can too much of a good thing cause tension in your relationship?

By Holly Burns

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Caroline Blumberg/EPA, via Shutterstock

6 Questions About Kids and Covid, Answered

Lisa Damour, a psychologist, and I recently answered questions from Times readers. Here's what to know.

By Tara Parker-Pope and Lisa Damour

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Allison Zaucha for The New York Times

When Vaccines Aren't an Option: Life for Families With Children Under 12

About 48 million American children are not eligible for a coronavirus shot. Their parents face difficult choices as school starts.

By Sarah Mervosh

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Gabriela Bhaskar/The New York Times

The Best Birthday Present in 2021? A Covid Vaccine.

Turning 12 has taken on added significance this summer, as tweens line up for shots allowing them to see friends and play sports again.

By Emma Goldberg

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Artwork by Erin Jang. Photograph by Jamie Chung for The New York Times.

The Education Issue

What Will School Really Look Like This Fall?

Six experts on the consequences of missed learning — and what it means for this year.

By Emily Bazelon

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Holly Stapleton

First person

Divorce Stinks, But It Could Be Your Superpower

A divorced mother of two finds a new sense of pride in learning how to manage a home and much more, on her own.

By Hanna Ingber

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Karlotta Freier

Guest Essay

How to Let Go of Your Irreplaceable, Unstoppable Daughter

My child's path has split from mine, as it should. But maybe the best is yet to come.

By Kelly Corrigan

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Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories.

My 2-year-old's favorite number is "two," so whenever he's being uncooperative, we split the task into "twos," and have him count with us "one, two, one, two!" until we're done. Dressing him is so much easier now! — Samantha Olmstead, Huntsville, Ontario

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

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2021年9月10日 星期五

The Daily: The Overlooked Costs of Counterterrorism

On policing, jobs and the climate.

By Lauren Jackson

The consequences of the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and the decades of war that followed can in some ways be quantified: nearly a million lives lost, 38 million people displaced as a result of conflict, an estimated $8 trillion in expenditures and 85 countries affected to varying degrees by American counterterrorism operations.

It is harder to capture the vast and often unseen effects rippling out from that day two decades ago. This week, the Daily team tried to shed light on some: We examined how the attacks fundamentally changed the nature of conspiracy, fear and information sharing in America. We heard the sounds of gunfire from Afghanistan, situating the Taliban takeover within a long history of uncertainty, intervention and familiar disappointment for the country. And we spoke with Terry Albury, a former F.B.I. agent, who witnessed the disproportionate impact of the domestic war on terror on marginalized communities.

In that spirit, we highlight some of the lesser-known impacts of Sept. 11.

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The overlooked costs of counterterrorism

The names of the dead at the 9/11 Memorial & Museum in Lower Manhattan. Todd Heisler/The New York Times

Terry Albury staked his career, and the course of his life, on a belief: If the public only knew the true nature of the U.S. government's counterterrorism efforts, change would follow. So, following the precedent of Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning, he reached out to journalists at The Intercept in 2016 and spoke with them about the F.B.I.'s intelligence-gathering practices on immigrant and Muslim communities. Then he waited.

"The world just kind of moved on," said Janet Reitman, a writer for The Times Magazine who interviewed Terry. "I think one reason has to do with who this impacted," she said. "For the most part, it's been disempowered groups of people," including innocent Muslim Americans targeted by investigations, interrogations and privacy infringements.

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Our team knew about the disproportionate attention on Muslim Americans in intelligence gathering. But in listening to the 20 interviews Janet recorded with Terry, "we felt the weight of the policies and their impact," Asthaa Chaturvedi, a Daily producer, said, adding that the practices were now used on a wider population.

But the import of the programs he spoke about remains unclear. Specifically, the government has shared limited information about the scope and scale of threats to domestic security that have been thwarted by counterterrorism efforts.

"We don't have this kind of information that would allow us to have a good, solid public policy discussion about the cost risks and benefits of the policies, the choices that we've made," Neta C. Crawford, a co-director of the Costs of War project at Brown University, said, adding: "We need transparency. We need information."

So we asked Neta what she saw as the other prices paid of America's war on terror — an effort so "comprehensive domestically and internationally that little about American life has been unaffected," in her words.

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Intensification of policing: The amount of military equipment transferred to law enforcement agencies has increased by nearly 6,000 percent since Sept. 11, Neta said, adding that "there has been an increase in the number of people in police forces — local, state and county police forces — who are veterans or who are active-duty or reserves."

Michael O'Hanlon, a director of research at the Brookings Institution, noted by email that while "there have been consequences" to the militarization of local police forces, this was "secondary" to what he described as problems with racial disparities in policing that predated the 2001 attacks.

Still, Neta questioned whether it wasn't just military equipment that had transformed domestic police forces "but a way of seeing and a way of behaving towards people that sees them less as people, potentially more as potential combatants." This is the subject of her ongoing research.

Climate: According to Neta, the Defense Department is the "world's largest institutional user of petroleum and, correspondingly, the single largest institutional producer of greenhouse gases in the world." In 2017, the Pentagon's emissions were greater than those of entire countries, such as Sweden, Denmark and Portugal.

Jobs and infrastructure: Neta believes the United States was at a tipping point in 2001 "when it chose to go to war essentially in a week," she said. The country had a budget surplus, powerful standing in the world and a vision for a new, expansionist American century. "We then on a dime decided to use American military power and our political resources in a way that I believe accelerated the decline of American power," she said — an argument echoed this week in The Washington Post and The Economist.

Now, as Congress considers a $1 trillion infrastructure bill, an effort complicated by high unemployment, Neta noted the opportunity costs of the last two decades. "Defense spending creates about nine jobs per million dollars," she said. "But if we had used that money almost any other way, it would have been in some cases twice as productive" in terms of job creation.

Neta believes we had "a moment when the United States could have worked to fix the problems with infrastructure and inequality." Instead, she said, "what we've done is we've accelerated our domestic decline, sadly, and our status in the world."

Three narrated articles to remember Sept. 11

Last month, Dorothy Morgan became the 1,646th World Trade Center victim to be identified through DNA testing. She worked for an insurance company on the 94th floor of the North Tower.Anna Watts for The New York Times

By Mahima Chablani

With the 20th anniversary on Saturday, our colleagues across the newsroom have been reflecting on ways in which their lives — and all of ours — have been altered since the attacks. One reporter wrote about a stranger's unforgettable act of kindness that helped her walk home nearly 10 miles in the aftermath of Sept. 11. The reporter of The Times's lead article about the hijackers remembered the poems he received from teenagers in Wenatchee, Wash., responding to his work. Two journalists talked to students around the world about what they have been taught about Sept. 11 in schools, and what has been left out.

As we head into the weekend, we invite you to listen to three narrated articles that explore the echoes of the tragedy:

  • What Does It Mean to 'Never Forget'?: One woman will never forget that she was shopping for eggs, planning to make her husband chocolate chip cookies, when she heard the news that would leave her widowed. A former police chief will never forget the now-closed landfill on Staten Island where 1.8 million tons of debris were sifted for human remains. In this article, Dan Barry, a longtime Times reporter and columnist, reflects on what we hold on to 20 years later and what we choose to let go.
  • When 9/11 Remains are Identified, 20 Years Later: Last month, Nykiah Morgan of Long Island learned that the remains of her mother, Dorothy Morgan, who had disappeared into the rubble of the collapsed towers, had been identified through DNA testing. For 20 years, the New York City Medical Examiner's Office has been conducting the largest missing-persons investigation ever undertaken in U.S. history, testing the 22,000 body parts that were recovered from the wreckage for a genetic connection to the 1,106 victims whose remains have not been found. "You suddenly have to decide what to do with a loved one who died 20 years ago," Nykiah told the Metro reporter Corey Kilgannon for this article. "It's almost like reopening old wounds."
  • How the N.Y.P.D. Is Using Post-9/11 Tools on Everyday New Yorkers: "The security apparatus born from the Sept. 11 attack on the city has fundamentally changed the way the country's largest police department operates," Ali Watkins, a Metro reporter, writes. Counterterrorism tools such as facial recognition software, license plate readers and drones are now a ubiquitous part of criminal cases — including investigations of low-level crime — but critics say they are ensnaring everyday New Yorkers and fueling a crisis of public trust.

On The Daily this week

Tuesday: Now that the U.S. has withdrawn from Afghanistan, the Taliban are turning to building a government. What kind of rulers will they be?

Wednesday: Why did this become the summer of Delta in the United States?

Thursday: The story of Terry Albury.

Friday: How a conspiracy film popularized the "9/11 truther" movement and supplied the template for the current age of disinformation.

And join Kara Swisher for a live event: Next Tuesday, Kara, the host of the Opinion podcast "Sway," will host a live discussion with the Times reporter Maggie Haberman and Representative Cori Bush of Missouri. They'll dissect the shifting dynamics of politics, power and what lies ahead. What will fall in the United States bring? What are the stories that will matter the most in politics, media and tech? Where is power changing, and how do we make sense of it? RSVP here.

That's it for the Daily newsletter. See you next week.

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2021年9月9日 星期四

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