How to talk to your kids about the mob at the Capitol.
| A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting. |
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If you have been struggling to focus on parenting this week, you’re not alone — even the experts are finding it hard to be the grown-ups in the room. Lisa Damour, a psychologist who writes the Times’s adolescence column, gave us a lovely essay about how watching a mob descend on the National Capitol shook her so deeply, functioning as usual became impossible. “Feeling rattled and helpless, I wanted someone to look after me much more than I wanted to do any parenting myself,” Damour writes. |
After a night of doomscrolling, Damour realized that she didn’t have to fix what’s wrong with this country for her children — her role is to help them process it. “Being the grown-up in the room means making space for my girls’ confusion and their questions,” she writes. “Tonight, I will ask both of them what they heard from their teachers and classmates at school, what they wonder, what they think.” |
The way our kids process this is not going to be the way we process it. My 8-year-old daughter’s first comment on the photographs she saw from the Capitol, her eyes wide: “And they aren’t even wearing masks!” Experts recommend waiting until your children are around 7 to expose them to much news — your mileage may vary, depending on your particular kid and your values, but 7 is the typical age when they become cognitively able to differentiate “what’s real and what’s fake, what’s near and what’s far, what’s possible and what’s highly improbable,” according to our guide on introducing your kids to current events. |
Finally, Reyhan Harmanci, a mom of two kids under 3, explores a new pandemic style phenomenon: the hate-wear. “A hate-wear is when you put on the clothing even though — because? — it makes you feel bad. Neither stylish nor particularly comfortable, yet constantly in rotation,” Harmanci writes. And I write this to you while wearing the same sweatshirt I have worn at least three times this week, forest green, ill-fitting and shapeless. |
P.S. I have noticed some upsides for my children to this strange virtual year — including keeping in better touch with far-flung friends via emojis on Facebook Messenger, and learning how to have productive and sweet conversations with schoolmates on Zoom. We’re looking for positive stories about how your kids are communicating and connecting with their friends virtually. Drop us a line here, and we may include you in a future newsletter. |
| THIS WEEK IN NYT PARENTING | | | | | | |
| Parenting can be a grind. Let’s celebrate the tiny victories. |
My husband or I take our kids (ages 5 and 9) out for a walk daily, rain or shine. They need it. Sometimes they go happily, other times they whine and argue. Today, for the first time, it occurred to me to hand each child an earbud and I turned on a kid’s podcast. We walked in silence the entirety, and it was divine. — Lena Corwin, San Francisco |
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