2021年10月16日 星期六

Do I Really Have to Go Trick-or-Treating Again?

I enjoyed a break from spooky szn.
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Parenting

October 16, 2021

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A roundup of new guidance and stories from NYT Parenting.
Golden Cosmos

A confession: One of the few pandemic changes I was happy about in 2020 was avoiding trick-or-treating. We did an outdoor candy hunt in our building's courtyard, it took 45 minutes instead of three hours, and I got to avoid schlepping around a neighborhood crowded with screaming children. As previously noted, I am a complete washout at making costumes, and because Halloween was a muted affair last year, there was less pressure to make it a Pinterest-perfect spooky szn.

This is all to say I was mildly disappointed when Dr. Anthony Fauci said: "Go out there and enjoy Halloween," because outdoor trick-or-treating is perfectly safe! Even though I am clearly a fun-hating monster, I am happy that my kids get one more piece of normalcy back in their lives, which have been so altered by Covid.

Also new this week, Claire Cain Miller asks 18 academics who study family policy: If you could choose just one benefit from the safety-net spending bill currently being debated in Congress, which would you choose? The options are: paid leave, child care, pre-K and child allowances, and the most popular response from these experts surprised me. Jason DeParle investigates why child care is so unbelievably expensive in the United States. And Tara Siegel Bernard explores a program in New York City that gives about 70,000 public school kindergarteners a college savings account with $100 already invested in it.

Lily Burana writes a funny and sweet essay about getting diagnosed with A.D.H.D. (on top of previously diagnosed depression and anxiety) after supervising her daughter's at-home learning in 2020. Finding it complicated to discuss all three of her mental health issues at once, she gives them all one name: Bruce. In homage to Springsteen, "who has been open about his own struggles with mental health. The nickname allows me to efficiently keep people apprised of my status, as in: 'Bruce has really been bringing me down this week.' The nickname helps me lighten up about my own darkness," Lily writes.

Finally, speaking of mental health, we're looking for your ideas on what to do when you take a day off work. Do you do anything that feels especially useful or restorative to recharge your mind? Share your ideas here, and they may appear in a future article.

Thanks for reading!

— Jessica Grose, columnist, NYT Parenting

THIS WEEK IN NYT PARENTING

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David Dee Delgado/Getty Images

'Go out there and enjoy Halloween,' Dr. Fauci says.

Some towns have canceled celebrations, but Dr. Fauci says outdoor trick-or-treating is perfectly safe.

By Benjamin Mueller

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Victor Llorente for The New York Times

October Isn't Just a Month Anymore. It's a Whole Szn.

This year, there are more seasons than ever to celebrate.

By Shane O'Neill

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Mary Altaffer/Associated Press

Which of These 4 Family Policies Deserves Top Priority?

We asked 18 academics what they would choose if they could pick only one, as Senator Manchin has reportedly advised.

By Claire Cain Miller

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Travis Dove for The New York Times

When Child Care Costs Twice as Much as the Mortgage

President Biden's social policy legislation aims to address a problem that weighs on many families — and the teachers and child care centers serving them.

By Jason DeParle

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Jeenah Moon for The New York Times

Seeding Accounts for Kindergartners and Hoping to Grow College Graduates

New York City is giving every public school kindergartner $100 in a college savings account. Here's why every penny matters.

By Tara Siegel Bernard

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Illustration by Mike McQuade; Photographs by Getty Images

My Mental Health Issues Have a Name: Bruce

And like Mr. Springsteen, I have resolved to release the shame.

By Lily Burana

Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories.

Getting our 3-year-old to peacefully leave his evening screen-time for the bath has changed 180 degrees since Mommy (or Daddy) Robot has started arriving to transport him from the living room to the bath. Tantrums quelled every time! — Allison Aab, Toronto

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

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2021年10月15日 星期五

The Daily: When the Taliban Aren’t the Only Enemy

What we heard from Afghan women.

By Lynsea Garrison and Stella Tan

The Big Idea: The shape-shifting enemy of Afghan women's rights

The Daily strives to reveal a new idea in every episode we publish. Below, two producers go deeper on one from our show this week.

Women stand inside an auditorium at Kabul University's education center during a demonstration in support of the Taliban government earlier this month in Kabul.Felipe Dana/Associated Press

After Kabul, Afghanistan, fell to the Taliban, the world wondered: Would the country return to some of the world's strictest restrictions on women?

In the 1990s, when the Taliban were first in power, Afghan women were generally not allowed to leave their homes except under narrow conditions. Those who did risked being beaten. And while Taliban leaders have insisted that this time will be different, they have imposed restrictions on women's work and education. So we wanted to know: How are women in Afghanistan feeling? How have their lives changed?

When we, and our colleague Neena Pathak, started making calls to Afghan women, we expected to hear stories about how new Taliban restrictions were affecting their day-to-day lives. And we did. A former public official said she was hiding evidence of her credentials in the walls of her house. A university student said her classroom had been separated by a curtain: male students on one side, female on another. One woman we spoke with sold her car — which she once used to take her girlfriends out for ice cream — because she felt it was a risk to be seen driving.

But we also heard more complicated stories, where the threat to women's lives and safety wasn't so clear. Some women we spoke to said that life hasn't changed much for their family members and acquaintances who live in rural areas. If anything, the Taliban rule has brought a de-escalation of violence.

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Some said they were open to Taliban restrictions as long as their basic rights were ensured. "I can wear a scarf. I can wear a long dress. It's OK," one woman said. "Freedom is not wearing jeans and a T-shirt." For her, the most important thing was education, health care and the freedom to work.

Others told us that the Taliban were not the only threat — that they had also emboldened longstanding mafia groups. We spoke to a judge who used to sentence men in criminal networks who stole inherited land from women. She said that after the Taliban takeover, she received threatening calls from these mafia groups, warning her that the balance of power had shifted. She is now in hiding, living in fear of the men she ruled against and their extended networks.

And finally, we spoke to N, the young woman you heard on Wednesday's show. For her, the threat wasn't just the prospect of a Taliban marriage. It was her family's willingness to use her as a bargaining chip in exchange for its own protection.

In these stories, the enemy shape-shifted — from the Taliban, to reactivated criminal forces, to American soldiers, to a father — reflecting a conflict where the fault lines have never been clear. But in a country in which power has morphed so many times, one thing remains consistent. During moments of upheaval, Afghan women continue to absorb the shocks, in ways that are often quiet, private and deeply personal.

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Many of you wrote in asking how you could help N, the young woman from Wednesday's show. Here are resources compiled by The Times if you are interested in supporting women in Afghanistan.

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For your weekend playlist

Fatima Garcia of the group Danza Azteca Guadalupana dances during an event celebrating Indigenous Peoples' Day in Austin, Texas, on Saturday.Pu Ying Huang/Reuters

Monday was the first-ever federal Indigenous Peoples' Day in the U.S. In honor of that, we wanted to share some recommendations for podcasts highlighting the voices and perspectives of Native peoples, including "As She Rises," by Grace Lynch at Wonder Media Network.

The show takes listeners across regions and soundscapes to cover the climate crisis.

"I tried to make this huge issue that covers the whole globe really small and really intimate. And that led to the style of the show being very site-specific and issue-specific," Grace said. The show captures the rich aural diversity of places like the Louisiana bayou, Alaskan tundra and Costa Rican beach.

"In addition to changing how the conversation was framed, I wanted to change who was having the conversation as well," Grace said, noting that she focused on telling the stories of Indigenous women and women of color who were "disproportionately affected" by the climate crisis.

On The Daily this week

Monday: Which towns are worth saving from climate change?

Tuesday: The case for making child care a public good.

Wednesday: One young Afghan woman's impossible choice.

Thursday: The lawlessness at Rikers Island jail complex.

Friday: The supply chain crisis and why it isn't over yet.

That's it for the Daily newsletter. See you next week.

Have thoughts about the show? Tell us what you think at thedaily@nytimes.com.

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Love podcasts? Join The New York Times Podcast Club on Facebook.

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