Here’s how to celebrate without going overboard
 | | Nan Lee |
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The holiday consumerist orgy seems like it starts earlier and earlier in my interfaith household. This year it began in October: That’s when the American Girl catalog arrived and my kids nearly came to blows over who was going to get the $150 doll-size pinball machine. (Girls, neither of you is ever getting that damn toy.) I saw a crazed gleam in their eyes as they looked at page after page of expensive dolls with their beautiful outfits and tricked-out accessories. |
Because we celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah, and my older daughter’s birthday is right after Thanksgiving, it feels like my children are getting presents every day during December. I find myself feeling a little hungover from the consumption — my own included. It’s tough to resist those Black Friday mega-deals flashing in your inbox, even when you know your budget is tight from child care and all the other kid-related expenses. |
I don’t want to deprive my two girls of holiday magic, but I don’t want them to become materialistic nightmares, and I don’t want to go into debt every December buying trendy toys that will become landfill fodder in six months. So I asked Ron Lieber, the Your Money columnist for The New York Times and author of “The Opposite of Spoiled,” a guide to teaching children about money and values, for his advice. |
JESSICA GROSE: During the holiday season, how do you keep your children’s gift haul reasonable, knowing that even if you keep it simple, grandparents and other family members often want to spoil your little ones? |
RON LIEBER: It’s sort of hopeless to try to control the relatives. So forget that. |
Given that we’re always trying to get the littles to understand the difference between wants and needs, and to consider trade-offs between spending, saving and giving, what about this: You get one thing you want. One thing you need. And one sum of money to give to anyone or anything else you choose. |
And if you’re Jewish and you simply must do gifts all eight nights, you could trade off each of those three things doing one each night — starting with give and/or need, so that there are only two “want” nights, just to keep things somewhat in check. |
JG: What’s the best way to teach the 6-and-under set about the value of the gifts they’re getting, when their grasp of number concepts (or even where their feet are) may be limited? |
RL: I’m not sure there is a way, but I’m not sure that it’s necessary, either. Unless you live in a bubble in a truly homogeneous community, they’re probably already learning about differences and developing a sense of perspective around value. And getting them started with thinking about giving — and that some people need help or gifts more than they do — is plenty fine in the first five years in terms of setting them up for deeper conversations later about however lucky they may be. |
JG: How should parents think about budgeting for the holidays, especially if they are celebrating more than one? |
RL: Share the budget with the kids! Set your budget, explain why it is what it is. (This is important! What else are you emphasizing in your family life in terms of priorities? Explain it!) And then, if you want, say something like the following: “O.K., we’re going to spend $100 per child this holiday season. Give us a list of things you need that are under $33 and things that you want that are under $33.” Then help them give that last chunk of money away. |
Want More on Kids and Holidays? |
- The Times has an excellent and thorough gift guide for kids — which can help you choose durable presents that will fit lots of budgets. It includes two gifts that, in our household, have provided the greatest return on investment of anything we have ever purchased: Magna-Tiles and the Micro Maxi Deluxe scooter, both of which have received near-daily use over multiple years.
- Preparing for a long Thanksgiving drive? We have a guide to carsickness you might want to check out.
- When is it O.K. for a relative to discipline your child? Our reporter Christina Caron has advice for creating appropriate boundaries over the holidays.
- Is your kid a picky eater? Virginia Sole-Smith has thoughts on how to get through the Turkey Day meal.
- It can be especially painful over the holidays if grandparents won’t visit. We have tips for how to maintain a long-distance grandparent relationship, and how to cope if grandparents don’t want to be involved.
- Our pals at the Wirecutter, a New York Times website that makes product recommendations, have gift suggestions for 1-year-olds, 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds, 5-year-olds, and 6-year-olds — plus, gift ideas for family bonding.
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| Parenting can be a grind. Let’s celebrate the tiny victories. |
| My 2-year-old had started to throw tantrums when it was time to get dressed. She screamed bloody murder if I tried to force her. Finally, I said Elmo would like to help her pick out an outfit. She lit up with excitement, and two months later, Elmo is still her stylist. |
| — Laura Elizabeth Mayes, San Antonio |
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