How to have productive conversations without rancor.
A New Thing to Fight About: Virus Risks |
 | | Lilli Carré |
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It feels like every conversation I have with the parents in my life ends up in a kind of coronavirus risk carousel — round and round we go, discussing how to go about our lives as our states lift their stay-at-home orders and allow a greater range of behavior. |
Many of us are struggling to answer questions like: Do I feel comfortable letting my kid take a socially distanced bike ride? Can my child use a public restroom? Are we still wiping down groceries? |
Lots of couples (and ex-couples) disagree over their comfort levels for different kinds of activities. These fights can get nasty because they can feel like life-or-death decisions. It’s also impossible to find the “right” answer since there’s so much scientists still don’t know. |
Usually when couples make health decisions around risk they look at the choices their peers made in the past, said Elaine Hernandez, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at Indiana University. You can look at what your mom did in a similar situation, or what your best friend did, but we can’t do that now. “We’re facing collective uncertainty and that’s really disconcerting,” Hernandez said. |
I also asked Emily Oster, Ph.D., a professor of economics at Brown University; Alexandra Sacks, M.D., a perinatal psychiatrist; and Sinead Smyth, a licensed marriage and family therapist, for advice on how partners can have productive conversations about their differences without rancor. |
One key takeaway: No matter how big your differences in risk assessment are, try to find at least some points where you can come together. “You want your kids to be safe. You want to maintain a loving, caring feeling in your home,” Dr. Sacks said. “Start there.” |
P.P.S. Today’s One Thing comes from Anushka Bhartiya, a mom in California. Her toddler has spent at least an hour a day painting egg trays, a simple DIY art project that’s kept her occupied for days in a row. |
Want More on Coronavirus Differences and Assessing Risk? |
| Parenting can be a grind. Let’s celebrate the tiny victories. |
| My 4- and 6-year-olds now nearly routinely take the extra .25 seconds to untangle their underwear from their pants before dropping them down the laundry chute. BIG win. — Sara Kerr, Portland, Ore. |
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