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AUGUST 24, 2019

THE ETHICIST

Illustration by Tomi Um

the ethicist

On Vacations With My Rich Siblings, Do I Pay the Same?

The magazine's Ethicist columnist on the distinction between "equal" and "equitable" when it comes to divvying up the bill.

by kwame anthony appiah

"I am considerably younger than my older siblings, and we are close. My sister and brother have had stable, well-paid jobs for the last eight to 12 years. I, on the other hand, have struggled through unpaid or low-wage jobs, though I have been at a better job for over a year. My sister and brother have been generous with me in the past, paying for holidays and clothes, but I am now expected to pay my share when it comes to family holidays and my mother, who is financially dependent on us. I can't truly afford the same holidays and items that my brother and sister can afford. I also cannot help my mother at the same level they can. What can I do in this circumstance? Should we all shoulder every burden — be it a vacation or my mother's expenses — equally, or can I ask that we divide the burden proportionally? I also struggle with the idea that I must spend more than I am comfortable spending on holidays with family. How do I broach this subject and illustrate that I should have other priorities — like debt reduction and savings — before spending on luxury or helping others in the family? In the past, broaching the subject of my inability to spend as much as they has elicited frustration and an utter lack of empathy as my spending habits are torn apart."

Read the Ethicist's reply here.

OUR COVER STORY:

Plus features and longreads from this week's Magazine.

Mickalene Thomas for The New York Times

feature

Did Venus Williams Ever Get Her Due?

This is how the first Williams sister changed the course of women's tennis.

by elizabeth weil

Gregory Halpern/Magnum, for The New York Times

The $32 Billion Scavenging of Postindustrial America

The U.S. produces more garbage than any other nation in the world per capita. Scrappers are turning that waste into a $32 billion business.

by jake halpern

Jim Goldberg/Magnum, for The New York Times

feature

Neil Young's Lonely Quest to Save Music

He says low-quality streaming is hurting our songs and our brains. Is he right?

by david samuels

READ MORE FROM THE MAGAZINE:

Recipes, essays and columns.

Johnny Miller for The New York Times. Food stylist: Maggie Ruggiero. Prop stylist: Colin King. eat A Cookie Inspired by Cornbread and Perfected in France Crisp to the bite, tender to the chew, corn sablés are shortbread at its finest. by dorie greenspan	Photo illustration by Ina Jang diagnosis Why Was the Middle Aged Man's Heart Beating so Dangerously Fast? A pacemaker was supposed to solve his heart problem. But despite the device, he was experiencing strange and scary episodes. by lisa sanders, m.d.
Illustration by Ori Toor studies show How Many Steps Should You Take a Day? Fitness trackers have bolstered the case for even light exercise. The persistent mystery, though, is which movements matter most. by kim tingley	Illustration by Chloe Scheffe letter of recommendation Letter of Recommendation: Crickets A nightly concert transports you to a time before your kind walked the earth. Sit anywhere, because the sound will surround you no matter where you are. by holly haworth

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