My father is in debt. My mother is a shopaholic.
"My parents are a few years away from retirement. They are entirely ill prepared financially for this life change and frankly have made — and continue to make — countless poor economic decisions. I am married and the mother of two young children. While I am not wealthy, my husband and I earn more than my parents do now, and far more than they will make once they stop working. |
I'm a first-generation American, and my parents have always implied that adult children must help their parents financially. I might have accepted such a fate without question were it not for my parents' ongoing bad choices. My father has left behind good, well-paying jobs numerous times throughout my life, never caring that he had school- or college-age children to support. During the peak of the recession, he was unemployed or severely underemployed for eight years, securing gainful employment only two years ago. My mother, the more responsible parent, has kept the same low-paying, no-benefits job for decades. She admits that she stays because she's too scared to pursue anything new. |
Both handle money poorly. About a decade ago, they co-signed a number of private loans for my sibling to attend college. They are now in six-figure debt as a result, and my sibling, who still lives with our parents, has in the years since never had a consistent, well-paying job. |
I feel for them, but I also recognize that they keep digging themselves deeper and deeper into debt. When one of my grandparents died a few years ago, my father — only starting to come out of his nearly decade-long unemployment — spent nearly all his inheritance on a plot of land for the future house he wishes to build in his home country. My mother is a bit of a shopaholic: What she doesn't spend on necessities and paying my sibling's debt, she spends on clothes and eating out. |
While I would be glad to help them on an emotional and even a caregiving level once they're too elderly or infirm to care for themselves, I have strong reservations about helping them financially. In recent years, my husband and I have made a big effort to become fiscally prepared for our future and the ongoing responsibility of caring for our young family. |
I love my parents. They provided a fairly happy childhood, and they are decent individuals. But what do I really 'owe' them?" |
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